On one hand, my creative flow is much like the fluctuating nature of the tide. Right now it's at maximum capacity, so I can churn out blog posts and story chapters without feeling like I'm trying to single-handedly drag a moose up a mountain (in other words, I don't have to try so hard). On the other hand, I REALLY don't want to take this exam more than once, mostly because I'm not fond of standardized tests and their costs (which took a chunk out of my food funds).
Also, it's pitting me against the subject I detest the most: mathematics. The last time I took a math course was during my freshman year of college (only because it was a requirement to graduate), and it really was a waste of time since I never had to use it again in my daily life. And now I have to delve right back into it to do well on an exam that will gain me entry into a graduate program that will have nothing to do with mathematics. Except statistics for research studies, but that's a small blip.
It's not so much being unable to do it as it is being unwilling to do it. I can complete math problems below the college calculus level if I refresh my memory enough, but I become fairly hostile while working equations. Especially graphs. I grow very angry for no apparent reason other than the possibility that the sight of graph problems has become a conditioned stimulus for my wrath. This stems back to high school, where I was
Point being, I need to take the rest of the month to work through all the math in my study book because it's going to be a long and tedious (and agonizing) process, and I can't afford to distract myself with more appealing subjects, such as writing and literature. Even history, a subject I've always been neutral toward and admittedly bored with, has better chances of holding my attention at this point.
But as soon as I complete the GRE, I'll be back. I had a line of blog entries in the queue for posting, including one about my sister (since we recently celebrated her birthday) and one featuring my real life tea beverage recipes. They'll have to wait until my exile lifts and I can come back, free from mathematics (hopefully for another few years).
-J. S. Blancarte