[Ungodly Cravings] #1: Instant ramen

Okay, so I bloody lied about how soon Whiskey Tea Cafe would debut. My apologies. It wasn't intentional. I've been sick with some sort of stomach ailment for the past two weeks, and my only symptom is a persisting tight clenching in my upper abdomen. Which, you know, could be anything from a stomach virus to the bubonic plague.

I've stubbornly refused to see a doctor just to prove that I can take care of myself even after my health insurance runs out, although some friends have told me how absolutely retarded that logic is ("Get medical attention while you can, moron!"). I decided to compromise: I will go to the hospital in the event that this problem reaches the one month mark.

So what have I been doing all this time? I spent it watching the entire anime series of Naruto since I was rendered immobile in the fetal position on my couch for hours at a time, and Netflix was the only source of entertainment that didn't require much movement from my torso.

But to get to the point of this post, this is the first in my Ungodly Cravings series, discussing horrible foods or unproductive activities a health-inclined individual like me sometimes craves. Today's topic is instant ramen.

After witnessing Naruto stuff his face with ramen in several episodes, I decided out of the blue that I wanted to eat ramen, too. I was on a bland diet, anyway, and soup-type foods had become my primary entree. Unfortunately, the only ramen available to me was a pack of ostracized Maruchan instant ramen shoved into one corner of my pantry.

I know how awful this stuff is, but I was under a temporary Naruto-obsessed trance and was convinced that eating ramen would get me that much closer to becoming a ninja. Or something.

Needless to say, I gave into the craving, but not without some improvisation to buffer against Maruchan's sadistic plot. First off, I chucked the flavor packet directly into the trash. If I wanted that much sodium and crap in my soup, I would just go to the beach and slurp from the ocean.

Next, I pre-boiled the noodles in one pot and used another pot to set up the base of the soup.

Recipe: Improved instant ramen

Once the noodles are cooked, drain and set aside. Bring 3 cups of water to a boil in the main pot. Add the napa cabbage, ginger root, and bouillon cube and boil, covered, for 5 minutes. Add the noodles, shallots, basil leaves, and chicken. Turn off the heat and season with salt and pepper to taste.

These extra ingredients will add to the volume of the ramen and provide the meal with nutrients. So even if you're used to eating a full pack of ramen in one sitting (which I've been able to do only at the height of my physical fitness when I was in Air Force ROTC), the added volume will help split it into two servings.

My pot turned out to be five servings since I couldn't stomach more than half a bowl at a time. Tragic, I know.

Well, hopefully my digestive system isn't completely screwed.

-J. S. Blancarte